Seventeen
by MAJ8395
Summary: During Harm's time with the CIA, Mac called him seventeen times. Every time, the messages were unanswered. A series of snippets based on what she might have said.
1. While My Guitar Gently Weeps

_A/N: A few weeks ago, an idea came to write a series of snippets based on the seventeen unanswered calls Mac made to Harm during his tenure with the CIA. For the record, I hated season nine almost as much as season ten. IMO, the ridiculous stories and writing was the beginning of the end for JAG. But anyway… here goes. _

_Harm was with the CIA for about five months, but we only saw a few missions. I'm attempting to fill in the gaps, so the timeline of this story will be different from what we saw on the show. Like my other stories, there will be no Mattie. Some scenes will be from Harm's point of view, others from Mac's. Special thanks to minimindbender and Radiorox for encouraging me to write this one._

Disclaimer: Don't own them. Just borrowing for a while. (Do I have to send them back?)

**While My Guitar Gently Weeps**

_Harm, it's Mac. I'm sure it was a shock for you to learn the admiral processed your resignation. Guess you figured he'd take you back. Gotta admit it surprised me, but he did what he felt he had to do. Anyway, I just wanted to check on you. You got away from the hospital before I could say goodbye. Hope you're doing okay. _

**North of Union Station  
May 27, 2003  
1900 Local**

Harmon Rabb took a sip from his bottle of beer, then picked up his guitar and began playing a bluesy tune. Nineteen years in the Navy down the drain. Nineteen years in which he'd served his country, first as an aviator, then as a lawyer. And for what?

Nothing.

_You know, Rabb, you're not a team player. _

Where had that come from? What about the countless people he'd prosecuted and defended in the courtroom? The time he'd put his career on the line to serve as defense counsel for Mac's uncle? Not to mention the time he defended her in a murder charge. He'd represented Bud in his dereliction of duty hearing.

As an aviator, he saved Tom Boone's life, pushed Tuna by the tail hook so he wouldn't have to eject over enemy territory, and outran a dirty nuke. If the missile had exploded, it would have destroyed the entire fleet in the Persian Gulf. Not that he'd done any of those things for the acclimation, but those incidents earned him two DFCs and a Silver Star. And yet the admiral didn't believe he was a team player.

_You never consider the big picture, and you are completely controlled by your emotions. _

Okay, so he often allowed his emotions to control his action—he admitted that. But if he hadn't acted upon them this time, Mac would be dead. He'd put his career on the line to go to Paraguay and save her. And what thanks did he get? Nothing. A slap in the face.

_There's never going to be an us._

He should have seen the signs coming. She let him sit in the brig for thirty days without so much as a call or visit. And when she did come to see him, it was only to announce she was going with Webb to Paraguay. Oh, she'd come on the pretense of being interested in his well-being. If she'd been so damned concerned, why did she wait until his acquittal to show it?

When a knock came to the door, Harm stopped strumming the guitar. "It's open."

Sturgis walked through the door. "Hey. Don't you usually work late?"

"Don't you?"

Harm took another drink of beer. "Well, you better talk to the Admiral about that."

"No, that's suicide. He's heavy on your case, brother."

"Yeah, for rescuing Mac?"

"For resigning your commission."

"Well, I had to. He wouldn't let me go any other way."

"I think he took it as a slap in the face. He was offended that your respect for his authority had a ceiling. It's a new day at JAG, Harm. He's bolting his cannons to the deck."

"Well, he tossed this one overboard."

The phone rang, and Harm turned away to answer.

"Hello?… You're talking to him… No, Friday morning's a little— All right. I'll be there."

"A job offer?" Sturgis asked.

"CIA. Deputy Director wants to see me."

After Sturgis left, Harm continued to play the guitar. The phone rang again. This time he allowed the answering machine to pick up.

"Hey, Harm, it's Mac. I—"

When he heard her voice, he stood, walked to the phone, and muted the sound. He had no desire to talk to her. Why the hell had he even accompany her to Webb's hospital room?

_Guess you just wanted to torture yourself a little more._

All Mac talked about was how the admiral had already assigned her as defense counsel in a desertion case. That is when she wasn't cozying up to Webb. What was she trying to do? Rub it in his face? He gave up his career to save her and didn't get so much as a thank you. Worse yet, Webb, who was responsible for putting her in a dangerous situation in the first place, got the girl.

No, he didn't want to talk to Mac tonight. And he wasn't sure if he ever would.


	2. Tell Me Why

_A/N: This chapter is from Mac's point of view. What's really going through her head when she learns Harm has taken a job with the CIA?_

**Tell Me Why**

_Hi Harm, it's Mac. Want to tell me why you're going to work for the CIA? I know you need a job, but being a spook just isn't you. Are you sure this is what you want to do? It seems so out of character for someone as honorable as you. I wish things had… It doesn't matter what I want. Guess it's a done deal, so all I can say is best of luck in your new career._

**JAG Headquarters**

**May 30, 2003**

**1614 Local**

Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie sighed as she glanced at the stack of files on the conference room table. Even though they had already reviewed many cases, the number seemed to grow instead of shrink. "Bud, hand me that stack."

The junior officer slid the files across the table.

"Thanks. You okay?"

"Uh, I'm sorry, ma'am. It's just that these are Commander Rabb's files."

"They're not sacred writ, Bud. His cases need to be reviewed, just like everyone else's."

"Oh, do you remember this one the Moritz case? Sturgis had Harm charged with a rule and had him removed as defense counsel."

"That was sweet."

"What about this one, ma'am? The Massuco court-martial? Remember? He had you on the stand, he discredited me, made both of us look like idiots."

"That was not so sweet."

"Are you missing him?"

"Uh, no. No, things are working out pretty well here. No one's firing automatic weapons in the courtroom."

"That was years ago."

"Yeah, well, the bullet's still in the ceiling."

Three hours later, Mac looked at her watch, surprised to see it was so late. Since Paraguay, she hadn't trusted her internal clock. She'd allowed Bud to secure early to help prepare for his son's christening and was surprised to learn it already after 1900. She'd promised Clay she would come by the hospital to visit—something she'd done every night since returning to Washington.

Clayton Webb. In the years she'd known him, she never guessed he would be interested in her.

Looking back, she supposed she should have seen the signs. She recalled the look Clay gave her when she walked in the admiral's office dressed for the party at the Sudanese Embassy. Definitely something there, but at the time, she chalked it off as merely a man admiring an attractive woman. Then, two years ago in Afghanistan, when she'd gotten the jump on the prisoner who'd held a knife to her throat in an attempt to escape.

When it was all over, Clay had said, "I knew if he thought he was getting his way, he'd relax and give you an opening."

Why had Clay kept his feelings a secret?

Yes, he'd given her another one of those "looks," but Mac had been too focused on the mission to give it a second thought. Not only that, she wasn't interested. She and Harm had been getting their rhythm back after the debacle with Brumby and Renee. Then, after Bud's injury, everything seemed to go to hell in a handbasket, including any chance she might have with Harm. He'd made that clear when he didn't trust her enough to tell her about his personal investigation into Singer's pregnancy. Instead, he'd gotten Traci Manetti to help.

Then he had the audacity to act like he cared when she told him she was going on an assignment with Clay.

_I don't want you to go, Mac._

_I'm coming back, you know._

_You don't know that._

_Why is it that you're only like this when I have one foot out the door? Your interest always fades when I might actually be in a position to return it._

Harm didn't argue. Didn't try to stop her. Just let her walk out the door. Then he showed up in Paraguay, told her he resigned his commission, but still wanted to "table" any discussion about the two of them.

_Things are never going to work out between us._

She'd said the words, but Harm's actions (or lack thereof) had made it abundantly clear.

Mac stood, walked to her office, and gathered her things. It was time to visit Clay.

**Kresge Medical Center**

**May 30, 2003**

**2014 Local**

Mac arrived at the hospital shortly after eight and went straight to Clay's room. When she reached the door, she heard voices and was surprised to learn he had visitors. Even more surprising was the fact it was Harm and Catherine Gale.

"What would you be flying?" Clay asked.

"Anything that takes off."

"You're going to be a CIA pilot?"

"Works for me," Catherine responded.

"Do I have to talk to you on company picnics?"

"I don't have to answer him, do I?"

"It could happen," Clay said.

"I'm not sure that's worth the medical benefits."

"No, I think it's great. The two of you are going to set the Agency on fire." Catherine sounded enthused.

"Literally. Try not to land on the building."

Everyone laughed.

"You're a funny guy, Clay."

"What can I say, Harm? Welcome to the brotherhood."

Mac couldn't believe what she'd just heard. Harm was going to work for the CIA. It wasn't right. He should… No, she wouldn't go there. Instead, she turned, then walked away without saying a word.


	3. Don't Bother Me

_A/N: After a week in orientation, Harm decides his new job may not be so bad after all. Please note, I don't know the inner workings of the CIA or how they prep new employees for the job. (Nor do I care to.) This is fan fiction – the details don't need to be exact. Just enjoy the story. And as far as you H&M shippers, I can't see the two of them with anyone else. But it's not going to happen in this story, so indulge me. _

**Don't Bother Me**

_Hi Harm. It's Mac. I thought you'd return my call, but I'm sure you've been busy. I heard through the grapevine you started with the CIA this past Monday. Hope it's going okay. I'm sure you'll enjoy flying again. Anyway, call me._

**North of Union Station  
June 7, 2003  
0930 Local**

Harm entered his apartment, feeling invigorated after his morning run. His first week with the CIA had gone rather well, and now that orientation was behind him, he could start to see some real action. Or at least "official training" with some of their planes. He couldn't wait to get back into the cockpit. When he was in the air, he felt free. Alive. He could soar.

Yes, things were turning out pretty good after all.

Closing the door behind him, he walked to the refrigerator for a bottle of water. That's when he saw the message light blinking. He pressed the button, then tensed as he heard Mac's voice.

Harm quickly pressed the delete button. What was her deal? She had the gall to say never in Paraguay, yet she continued to call him.

"Well, Mac. Looks like you want your cake and eat it too. Sorry, it's not happening. Might as well stop calling because I'm not giving in to your pleas."

He grabbed the water, then downed it in three swallows. Tossing the bottle into the recycle bin, he went up the stairs to take a shower. Stripping off his clothes, he stepped beneath the water to wash away the sweat and grime from his body.

If only he could wash away the memories of Mac as quickly. What's the old saying? "Time heals all wounds?" It would take some time to forget, but he'd be damned if he lost any more sleep over her. It was a new day. She'd moved on with her life, and so had he. Let someone else watch her six.

After showering, he toweled dry, then put on clean boxers and a pair of faded jeans. He decided to skip shaving this morning. He wasn't in the Navy anymore—a little five o'clock shadow wouldn't hurt. At any rate, it was his day off.

Barefoot, he started back to the kitchen to prepare a smoothie when a knock came to the door.

_Better not be Mac. It would be like her to stop by since I'm not returning her phone calls. If it is her, this will give me the chance to tell her to stop bothering me._

Without looking through the peephole, Harm opened the door to see his former partner standing in the hallway.

Kate Pike.

"Hello, Harm. It's been a while."

"Kate! It's good to see you. Come in."

Kate ran her gaze over his bare chest as she walked into the apartment.

"So, what brings you to DC?"

"Temporary reassignment."

"Oh yeah?"

"I've been brought in to fill a vacancy at JAG headquarters. Harm, what the hell happened?"


	4. Because

_A/N: How will Mac react when she learns the admiral has recalled Kate Pike to headquarters? Let's see._

**Because**

_Hi, Harm. It's Mac. You won't guess who the admiral brought in as your— Who the admiral brought in. Kate Pike. Can you believe it? After the sexual harassment case with Admiral Hollenbeck? Anyway, she's TDY here for at least a few weeks to help with our caseload. Haven't heard from you. Hope everything is okay._

**JAG Headquarters  
June 9, 2003  
0900 Local**

Mac and the other officers stood to attention as Admiral Chegwidden entered the conference room.

"As you were." He took his seat at the head of the table, then first directed his words to Mac and Bud. "Colonel, Lieutenant, good job on reviewing the old case files. You've both made a considerable dent in them."

"Thank you, Sir," they said in unison.

"But as you all know, we're short-handed around here. Commander Turner's caseload is full, and with the Colonel's recent TAD assignment, we're behind. That's why I've decided to bring in help. Commander Caitlin Pike is temporarily assigned here until further notice."

"Commander Pike? That's good, Sir." Bud said.

"Wasn't aware you'd ever worked with her, Lieutenant."

"I haven't, Sir. I was the public relations officer on the Seahawk when she and Commander Rabb—"

At the Admiral's stern look, Bud swallowed, then said, "I didn't work directly with her, Sir."

"Well, you will now." Turning to Mac, he said, "Colonel?"

"Yes, sir."

"I expect you to show Commander Pike the ropes."

"Me, sir?"

"You are the chief of staff. Do you have a problem with doing your job?"

"No, sir."

"Good. Since Commander Turner is now in the office next to yours, she'll be using his old space. See to it she has everything she needs. She'll be here at 1000."

"Yes, Sir."

"That will be all. Dismissed."

Mac remained behind after the others left the room. "May I have a word with you, Admiral?"

"Make it brief."

"Isn't it a little premature to bring in someone else?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Well, sir, I—"

"If you think I'm going to reinstate your former partner, you're sorely mistaken. He made his choice. Now he has to deal with it."

"That's not what I meant, Sir. It's just that, well, why Commander Pike?" Mac knew she was pushing the envelope, but she couldn't help but wonder in light of what happened a few years earlier."

The admiral raised his voice. "Because, Colonel, she's a good attorney. We need someone of her caliber around here. If there's a reason why you feel you're unable to work with her, then voice it now."

Mac had her reservations, but she wasn't about to divulge them to the admiral. "No reason, Sir."

"Good. Now, I believe you have work to do. Dismissed."

Mac walked back to her office and closed the door behind her. After hearing the news, she didn't want to deal with anyone this morning—least of all Kate Pike.

She couldn't help but recall a conversation between her and Kate from a few years ago.

_The girlfriend. Thumbnail._

_Oh, Renee is unique._

_Code for obnoxious? _

_Harm likes her._

_Are they serious?_

_Why do you want to know?_

_He and I have a history. A weekend, actually. How long did you two last?_

_We never started. _

Mac brushed aside her thoughts, then busied herself in work, hoping to ward off her bad mood. Unfortunately, the files she was reviewing were some of Harm's old cases.

She'd told Bud she didn't miss Harm. She didn't _want_ to miss him. Things had been quiet around the office since her return from Paraguay. No one to argue with her. No one to sandbag her in the courtroom. No one wanting to be on top. But no one to engage in friendly banter, either.

Sturgis was still upset over the Jeremy Duncan case and was in a state of perpetual anger. Bud was trying to make amends with the senior officer for his role in the incident. Mac was pretty sure Jennifer Coates blamed her for Harm's resignation. With Harriet out on maternity leave, she had no one to talk to—not even for a friendly lunch.

On top of that, everyone felt the need to walk on eggshells around the admiral, and rightly so. Mac wasn't sure what had happened to the former SEAL, but he was clamping down on everyone and everything. And no one dared to mention the name, Harmon Rabb.

Mac was jolted from her thoughts by the buzzing of the intercom. "Colonel Mackenzie."

"The Admiral wants to see you in his office right away."

"I'll be right there, Petty Officer." Mac hung up the phone, then took a glance in the compact mirror she kept in her desk. She had an idea why the admiral had called for her, and she wanted to look her best. After freshening her lipstick, she walked to her CO's office.

"He said to go right in," Jennifer said.

Mac took a deep breath, then entered.

"There you are, Colonel. Did someone or something detain you?"

Mac looked surprised. Her internal clock had been out of whack here of late, but she hadn't wasted that much time. No sir, only one minute, forty-seven seconds have passed since Petty Officer Coats called me."

"I see. You remember Commander Pike?"

The tall brunette rose from the chair. "Colonel Mackenzie, it's good to see you again."

Mac pasted a smile on her face. "Commander Pike."

"The admiral informs me you're going to show me around."

"We can get started whenever you're ready."

"The sooner I get settled in, the sooner I can start to help everyone with the caseload."

"Sounds like the two of you will make a fine team," Admiral Chegwidden said. "Dismissed."

**JAG Headquarters  
June 9, 2003  
1730 Local**

Mac sighed in relief. She could finally secure for the day. Working with Kate Pike hadn't been bad as expected. She was cordial yet enthusiastic and eager to help. Mac had yet to learn about Kate's experience in the courtroom, but the woman had graduated from Harvard Law School. Not just anyone was accepted there. And Kate knew computer programs better than Mac did.

_Computers are my specialty._

_Fastest fingers in the Navy._

_When did you give up the title?_

Mac remembered that conversation well. The knowing glances. The hidden innuendo.

Therein was the problem. In any other circumstance, Mac thought she and Kate could be friends. But Kate knew Harm in a way Mac never had.

And likely never would.


	5. I Should Have Known Better

_A/N: A short chapter set during the time Harm flew his first mission with Beth O'Neal. I'm not going to get into the specifics of each mission as they are irrelevant. Some of this conversation between Harm and Beth are familiar, but I take it a little further in this story._

**I Should Have Known Better**

_Hi Harm, it's Mac. Haven't heard from you and wanted to check in. Clay tells me you're now flying missions for the CIA. I hope you'll be careful and not take any unnecessary risks. Things are going pretty good here at JAG. We're getting caught up. Call me sometime, okay? _

**The Philippines  
July 8, 2003  
1540 Local**

After weeks of "probation," Harm was happy to be flying a mission. The fact that he was co-pilot was a bit disappointing, but like anywhere else, he figured he'd need to earn his wings.

He was surprised to learn Beth O'Neal was now with the CIA but understood her reasons. She was happier not to be in the Navy and undoubtedly free to live the kind of life she wanted.

Harm should have known the mission wouldn't go as planned. If his experience in working with Clayton Webb was any indication, nothing ever turned out the way it was expected. He and Beth had to take the car in themselves, and she ended up in jail.

He wasn't about to leave her there—the ingrained sense of duty and loyalty ran deep. Now they just had to get back to the plane and off the ground.

"Thank you for getting me out of jail," Beth said as they drove toward the makeshift airfield.

"Well, I couldn't leave my partner behind, could I?"

"Yeah? What happened to your last partner?"

"Ah, we just kind of burned out on each other, I guess."

"Time to move on?"

"Yeah."

"You still speak?"

"No. Not in a while, anyway."

"Was that your choice?"

"Mostly."

Beth looked at Harm. "Look, this isn't any of my business, but what happened? I've heard rumors about Paraguay, but no one's talking about it much. I assume it is the reason you're no longer in the Navy."

"You assume correctly. Resigning my commission was my decision. Mac went on a mission with Clayton Webb—"

Beth scoffed. "I can imagine how that went. Webb's notorious for one snafu after another."

"That's an understatement."

"So, what happened?"

"Everything that could go wrong did. Mac and Webb didn't report in for a few days. I had a bad feeling about her going in the first place, so I asked Chegwidden for leave time so that I could go to Paraguay to search for her."

"And he denied it."

"You got it. Apparently, he no longer holds to his SEAL code of honor of leaving no man behind. I knew the CIA wouldn't do anything, so I submitted my resignation. I got there just short of too late. Both Mac and Webb would be dead if I hadn't done something."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I got the impression there was more to your relationship with Col. Mackenzie that just working partners."

Harm looked straight ahead as he drove and didn't say anything for a few minutes. Funny thing. He'd once thought the same thing. But apparently, Mac was more interested in the spook. What was the deal with her and men?

_The minute a man shows interest, you go to him._

Well, he'd also showed interest. Hadn't he? But Mac had told them there would "never be an us." He should have known better than to let his feelings for her deepen. And while he didn't regret saving her life, he wished the situation had turned out differently.

"Harm?"

"Sorry, Beth. Things with the colonel and me are—were—complicated. Let's just say I've put that part of my life behind me."

"Sometimes that's the best thing we can do. Forget about the past and move forward. So, is there anyone else in your life?" Beth grinned.

Harm raised his eyebrows. He knew Beth wasn't flirting with him. After all, he wasn't her type. She was simply showing concern for a friend. It was time to move forward. He'd hit a dead-end street with Sarah Mackenzie. It was time to move on with his life. "Maybe there is."


	6. No Reply

_A/N: Mac continues her attempts to contact Harm by phone. This time she takes things a step further._

**No Reply**

_Hi Harm, it's Mac. It's been weeks, and you haven't returned any of my calls. I've tried to keep up with you through Clay, but he either doesn't know or isn't talking. I get the feeling the subject of you is a sore spot with him. He doesn't like it when I— Well, never mind. If you're in town, please call me back._

**JAG Headquarters  
August 15, 2003  
1500 Local**

For the first time in weeks, Mac was able to secure early. Everyone's caseload had lightened, thanks in part to Commander Pike, and all the old files had finally been reviewed.

Clay had been out of the hospital for a couple of months and was back at work. He'd promised her a night on the town this evening, and she wanted time to get ready. Mac couldn't remember the last time she'd been on a "real" date.

Since Mic? That had been over two years ago. She needed to get a social life. Clayton Webb could provide that. He was both charming and sophisticated and knew how to treat a lady.

Mac stood, then grabbed her cover when someone knocked on her office door. She looked up to see Kate Pike.

"Commander Pike." Somehow Mac didn't feel comfortable in addressing woman by her first name. That implied familiarity, and she didn't care to be on friendly terms with the woman.

"I do wish you'd call me Kate."

Ignoring her words, Mac said. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Just bringing you the files on the Gipson court-martial. I see you're getting ready secure, so I'll just leave them on your desk if that's okay."

"It's fine. Thank you."

Kate handed the files over to Mac, then asked, "Have plans for the evening?"

Mac wanted to say it was none of her business. But Kate had been nothing but cordial during the time she'd been at headquarters. Maybe she should give her a chance.

"Matter of fact I have a date. And you?"

"Harm called earlier. He's back in town. We're going to a movie tonight."

Mac tried to ignore the twinge of excitement that coursed through her. Maybe he'd finally call her back. But she didn't want Kate to notice her eagerness. "Harm's in town?"

"Yes, you didn't know?"

"Why would he tell me anything?"

"The two of you were partners for years. I thought you had a close relationship."

"Were partners, Commander Pike. Were being the keyword."

"I see. Well, I won't detain you any longer. Enjoy your evening." Kate left the room.

Mac was about to leave when her phone rang. "Lt. Colonel Mackenzie."

"Sarah, it's Clay."

Mac's mood lightened. "Hello, Clay."

"Hate to do this, but I'm going to need to cancel our date tonight. I got called out of town on a mission."

"A mission? Where are you going?"

"Classified."

Of course. Everything with Clay was classified. "When will you be back?"

"Don't know. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you."

"Okay. Keep in touch?"

"I'll call if I can." Clay ended the call.

_So, this is what it's like to date a spook. Might as well stay here and get some work done. It's not like I have anything else to do._

She looked toward the bullpen to see Kate Pike laughing and talking with Sturgis. Kate said she was going out with Harm, so Mac knew for a fact he was in town. So, he wouldn't return her phone calls? Well, she had other ways of making him talk to her.

Her decision made, she gathered her things and left the office.

**North of Union Station  
August 15, 2003  
1730 Local**

Mac parked her car outside Harm's apartment building. She knew he was home because his 'Vette was here. She got out of the car, walked inside the building, then pushed the button for the elevator. For once, it was working.

_Well, Harmon Rabb. You won't answer my calls. Let's see what you have to say now._

She knocked at the door.

No answer.

She knocked again.

Nothing.

And a third time.

"Harm, I know you're in there. Why won't you come to the door? I need to talk to you."

Fifteen minutes and forty-seven seconds later, Mac decided Harm either wasn't home or refusing to answer. Most likely the latter because she was sure she'd heard someone moving around the apartment when she first arrived.

Sighing, she turned, then walked away. When she got to her car, she looked up at the windows, remembering a time when she'd stood in the alley getting drenched. When she saw Harm comforting and embracing Renee, her tears flowed like the rain.

Today, the sun shone at an angle so that it reflected off the glass, but she was positive she saw Harm standing at the window, looking down at her.


	7. If I Needed Someone

_A/N: These snippets are short and relatively easy to write, so I may finish this story in record time. In this ep, Harm ponders Mac's actions._

**If I Needed Someone**

_Hi Harm, it's Mac. I know you were home earlier, and I can't understand why you won't answer my calls or refuse to see me. I know things have been rocky between us for the past few months, but we were once good friends. I don't know why that part has to change. Anyway, call me sometime. I just want to see if you're doing okay. _

**North of Union Station  
August 15, 2003**  
**1746 Local**

Harm looked out the second-story window of his apartment and watched as Mac walked toward her car. When she stopped and looked up at the window, he stepped away. He didn't want her to see him and come back upstairs.

Mac was determined, if anything. What was she trying to do? Rub things in his face? Gloat over the fact she was still in the military and JAG when he wasn't? Talk about her relationship with Clayton Webb?

In all the years he'd known Mac, he would have never guessed she'd take up with the spook. Hell, she didn't even like the guy when they first met.

Harm glanced at his watch. Kate would be here at 18:30. It was time to get dressed for their date.

Kate Pike. Who would have ever guessed she would have come back into his life? They had worked together only a short time before their weekend fling. It had been a fun weekend romp, but both realized it had been a mistake. He was younger and more careless then.

She transferred from headquarters a couple of weeks later. It was amazing they'd been able to remain friends.

Because of that weekend, Harm vowed never again to have a casual fling with a coworker. When Mac approached him in Sydney, he'd misread the signs.

_You wouldn't go topless in front of me, would you?_

_Is that a request?_

What the hell was she asking? He needed a quick diversionary tactic. He happened to look up as they passed beneath the Sydney Harbor Bridge.

_You know they wrote eternity on this bridge in lights on New Year's Eve._

_Is that how long we're going to wait?_

_Mac._

_We're not in Washington. We're not even on the same continent._

He'd mistaken her words as an invitation for a quick fling. He didn't want that. Not with Mac. But instead of being able to voice his feelings, he clammed up.

_But you still can't let go._

_Not yet._

He thought she would understand he wasn't ready. Only a few weeks had passed since he'd returned from flying, and he was still trying to regain his footing at JAG. Instead, he sent her right into the arms of a waiting and eager Mic Brumby.

Harm shook his head. He didn't want to think about Mic Brumby or Australia, or even Mac for that matter. He went into his bathroom to take a shower.

**North of Union Station  
August 15, 2003**  
**2349 Local**

Harm entered his loft. Alone. The evening with Kate went okay, but he found himself fidgeting during the movie. He'd let Kate decide, never expecting her to pick some chick flick. He was bored fifteen minutes into the show.

By mutual agreement, they had driven their own cars, so when the movie was over, they went their separate ways. Harm couldn't say it was the most enjoyable evening he'd had. Then again, it could have been worse. He told Kate he'd call her the next time he was in town.

The message light was blinking, so Harm pressed the button to listen. _Hey, Harm. It's Mac…_

"Don't you get it, Mac.? I don't want to talk to you. I don't need you." He pressed the delete button, then walked up the stairs to his bedroom. He didn't need anyone. But realization dawned on him. If he did need someone, he knew just who he would call.


	8. You Won't See Me

_A/N: Another chapter from Mac's POV. I know the events of 911 weren't shown on the show and Mac was TAD to the Guadalcanal for a while, but humor me. This is fan fiction. I didn't plan this part, but it just happened. I don't think any of us who were around on 9/11/01 will forget where we were or what we were doing when we heard the news. And to my "guest" reviewer, you know where squirrels and alpacas led. Like tropical islands…_

**You Won't See Me**

_Hi Harm. It's Mac. I know you're back in town because I saw you at the Pentagon Mall today. I called out, but I guess you didn't hear me, even though I thought you hesitated for a moment. When I tried to reach you, you had disappeared in the crowd. What's going on, Harm? Why don't you want to see me?_

**Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment  
September 11, 2003  
2030 Local**

Mac sat on the sofa, watching, but not seeing the program on television. Most of the stations carried stories about the terrorist attacks two years ago.

The world had changed since then. Mac shook her head, remembering the exact moment she'd heard the news. She and Harm were in court, serving as co-defense counsel in a court-martial. Sturgis was prosecuting. Shortly before court began, they received news of a plane crashing into the north tower of the World Trade Center. At the time, people thought it was nothing more than a tragic accident.

But when Admiral Morris entered the courtroom ten minutes late (something unusual for him) and announced a second plane had crashed into the south tower, everyone knew something was amiss. Morris said JAG headquarters was on heightened alert, but everything would continue as usual until further notice.

At 0945, a marine guard entered the courtroom. Morris halted the proceedings, then instructed the young corporal to approach. Mac glanced at Harm, who had a worried frown on his face. When the guard finished speaking, he moved to the back of the courtroom, where another guard joined him.

The look on Admiral Morris's face was grim. "I've just been informed that a third plane has crashed into the Pentagon. The number of casualties is unknown. All flights within the US have been suspended. There is still a fourth plane unaccounted for. It's believed to have been hijacked. We are under orders to secure for the day. This court is in recess until further notice."

She and Harm left the courtroom together, then walked back to their prospective offices to gather their things. They walked outside, pausing on the steps. The same place where, two years earlier, they'd made a deal to "go halves on a kid."

"Kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it?" Harm said.

"What do you mean?"

"Life. All those people who died today expected to return to their homes tonight. None of them knew this would be their last day on earth. Makes you realize that we should seize the moment. Don't put off telling someone how you feel. Grab hold of what you want and not let go."

A flicker of hope ignited in Mac. Would he finally tell her he felt about them? The hints that night on the admiral's porch. The night Mic left when Harm asked her to come to him. But then Renee showed up, and out of his sense of duty, he accompanied her to her father's funeral.

And when Harm followed Mac to the Guadalcanal, he didn't respond to her question of what he would give up to have her.

Clearing her throat, Mac said, "Harm. My apartment is closer. Want to come over? I'm sure traffic is a mess between here and Union Station."

"I appreciate the offer, but no thanks. I'm going home and will call my folks. I'm sure Mom is anxious to know I'm okay."

In the weeks and months that followed, they had gotten caught up in the aftermath of the terrorist attacks. Got called away on investigations, made trips to Afghanistan. Prosecuted an Al-Qaeda terrorist in a tribunal. They seemed to be getting their close relationship back. Then came Bud's injury, Singer's murder…

Mac shook her head. No sense in rehashing those events. That was then. This is now. It was apparent Harm didn't want to see her.

And it was tearing her up inside.


	9. I'm Looking Through You

_A/N: What is going through Mac's mind? Is she deliberately being mean, or is she trying to cover her real feelings?_

**I'm Looking Through You**

_Hi Harm, it's Mac. This is my ninth call, and you haven't returned any of them. Things are good here at JAG. Everything's running smoothly. No courtroom dramatics and no one is firing automatic weapons. Bud's doing great and seems to have recovered from that debacle with Sturgis. I had to face him in court the other day, and he kicked my butt. Speaking of Sturgis, Admiral Chegwidden had him move into your old office. I think that's proper, don't you? After all, he is now one of the senior attorneys here. The Admiral seems more like himself these days, very supportive of his staff. Guess it's because— Sorry, Harm. Gotta end this call. Someone's at the door. I'm expecting Clay, so it's probably him. Call me._

**Buenos Aries, Argentina  
September 30, 2003  
1830 Local**

Harmon Rabb emerged from the hotel bathroom wearing a towel wrapped around his waist. He was glad to be in a place with hot and cold running water and a comfortable bed. This mission had been a long and difficult one. The CIA had generously allowed him and Beth O'Neil to stay over one night and rest before returning to the states.

He slipped on fresh boxers, then lay down on the bed with his hands clasped behind his head. Over the past several months, he'd been able to log more flying hours than he'd had during his last six-month tour on the Patrick Henry. He'd piloted several different aircraft and flown to exotic places around the globe.

But not even the excitement of flying the Aurora could quench the emptiness in his heart. The truth was, he missed the Navy. He missed JAG. He missed Mac.

Apparently, no one at JAG missed him. It was evident from her last message before he left for his current assignment. Everyone was getting along fine without him. The Admiral. Bud. Sturgis. And most of all, her. Why did she have to continue to bring up Clayton Webb in conversation? To remind him that Clay and won and he had lost?

It would have been better if he'd never resigned his commission and gone to Paraguay to rescue her. He quickly pushed that thought aside. She most likely would be dead, and he'd never see her again. Never have another chance.

Not that he had one anyway. Mac had made it clear there would never be anything between them. As far as their relationship was concerned, her being alive didn't make a difference.

When someone knocked, he hurried to pull on a pair of jeans, then answered the door. It was Beth.

"Hey, I was going to grab a bite to eat in the hotel dining room. Want to join me?"

"No, thanks. I'm tired, and I wouldn't be good company right now. Besides, I'm not hungry."

"When was the last time you ate anything?"

Harm rubbed his forehead. "I don't know. Sometime yesterday."

"You need to eat. I don't want my co-pilot passing out on me tomorrow." Beth entered the room, then sat in a chair.

"Okay, I'll have room service send something up."

"It's her, isn't it?"

"Who?"

"Lt. Colonel Mackenzie."

Harm was silent.

"What's the deal with Mac?"

"What?"

"Your former partner. Something is eating you up inside, and I suspect it has something to do with the colonel."

"Why would you think that? We worked together. That's all."

"For what, almost eight years? Sorry, Harm, but I'm not buying it. Even when the two of you were on opposing sides during my court-martial, I sensed there was something between you."

When did Beth become so perceptive? "Well, you were wrong. We were partners. Co-workers. That's all."

"I'm not buying it. Whatever's eating at you, you need to get it off. You can't afford to allow personal issues to interfere with your job."

"Is that what you think I'm doing? Have I failed to do my job in any way?"

"No, but it could happen. Something changed about you during this last mission. Look, I'm asking as a friend. You can talk to me, okay?"

Harm started to pace. "You think you know someone and then you find out they're a completely different person."

"Go on."

"Mac has been leaving me messages since I left JAG. Says she's concerned about me and wants to make sure I'm okay."

"Have you called her back?"

"No. Don't plan on it, either."

"Well, maybe that's the problem. You should talk to her."

"No!" Harm stopped pacing and sat on the end of the bed. "The last message all she could do was rub it in my face how smoothly everything was at JAG now that I was no longer there. Besides, she made it clear in Paraguay that we have no future together. Not to mention the fact she's seeing Clayton Webb."

"Clayton Webb? Mama's boy?"

Harm couldn't help but laugh at Beth's words. He recalled several times when he first met the spook that Clay attended several events with "Mother." Those were the days when Clay tried to make everyone believe he was with the State Department. "Yes, Clayton Webb. And Mac made sure she mentioned that she had a date with him in her last message."

"Interesting. Does she mention him every time?"

"No, maybe in one or two. Always says she wants to know how I'm doing."

"Sounds like to me she's acting like a concerned friend."

Harm shook his head, unwilling to consider the possibility Beth could be right. If Mac's words were those of a friend, he'd hate to be her enemy.


	10. I'm Down

_A/N: Mac ponders her recent message to Harm, and more._

**I'm Down**

_Hi, Harm. It's Mac. Sorry about my last message. I didn't intend to sound like I'm rubbing it in that you're no longer at JAG. Lots of people here care about you and wonder why you haven't contacted anyone. No one has talked to you or seen you. Well, Kate mentioned you a couple of months ago, so I guess you're in touch with her. Harriet said little A.J. often asks about his godfather. I'd think you'd at least give them a call once in a while. I'd love to hear from you. Call me, please._

**Latour's  
September 30, 2003  
2030 Local**

Mac picked at the food on her plate and wondered why she couldn't be excited about the evening. After weeks of being away on assignment, Clay was finally back in town and had been able to keep their date.

She'd been feeling down since she left unanswered message number nine for Harm. She hadn't intended her words to sound cruel. Thinking back, it was no wonder he wouldn't call. Not only that, she'd inadvertently mentioned Clay. Did Harm believe she was driving another nail in the coffin?

If the situation were reversed, she would probably think Harm was gloating. But she knew him better. No matter what happened, he would never do something like that. The mention of the automatic weapon was intended to be a half-hearted attempt at humor. But even that could have been interpreted the wrong way.

She almost smiled when thinking about the incident. Had it been nearly seven years?

Mac had been new to JAG, and it was her first time to go against her new partner in the courtroom. She'd seen evidence of his skills when he defended her uncle. What she didn't know was the lengths he'd go to win.

She was a bit nervous about her first case at headquarters. When Harm mentioned the possibility of the bullets ricocheting, she'd fell for it. Then he cross-examined the witness and tore the theory all to hell. She had been furious.

_Commander Rabb. You sandbagged me with that ricocheting bullets line._

_Mac, I'm just doing my job. I'll buy you lunch._

_Buy me lunch? You make a fool out of me in there, but out here we're still supposed to be friends?_

_Yes._

_No. _

He'd stood there, smoking his cigar, and looking full of himself. She'd been half tempted to cram it down his throat.

But Harm, although self-confident, had high ethical standards. She learned that although he liked to win, getting to the truth was far more important. When the court case was finished, she'd gone to his apartment with a peace offering_. _

_I take it we're friends again? _

_Until we face off in a courtroom._

_What made you change your mind?_

_What made you? _

_I didn't stop being your friend. You stopped being mine._

_Well, what did you expect me to do after the way you sandbagged me in court? _

_You mean out-lawyered you? _

_Out-lawyered me? I fell for it because I thought you were a friend. And a friend doesn't sandbag a friend._

_Where were you raised? _

_Where friends don't sandbag friends._

_Well, that's somewhere in Ohio, isn't it? _

_Cute does not work on me, Harm._

_I wasn't being cute. I was being funny._

_Yeah, like the way you fired that H & K in court? _

_I thought it was pretty funny when you ducked under the table._

_I'm a Marine, Harm. Marines don't duck._

_Well, what do Marines do?_

_They take cover, but they never duck._

The two of them enjoyed the evening, laughing and talking. With each subsequent mission, Mac learned more about the man who had become her partner. He was fair, just, and fiercely loyal. He'd proven that when those crazed poachers shot her.

Harm may not have been a SEAL or a Marine, but he held fast to the code of leaving no one behind.

_That's why he came to Paraguay. No matter what, he would put his career and his life on the line to save you._

But hadn't he done that for others? When Bud was injured, Harm defied orders to return to the US. He didn't think twice about helping the admiral search for Francesca. And when Sergei was missing, he was going to resign his commission to look for him. He hadn't done anything for her that he wouldn't do for someone else.

Or would he?

_I have a question for you. You resign your commission, and you travel 5000 miles to find me and damn near get killed. Well, riddle me this, flyboy. Why?_

_I think you know why._

Why did everything with Harm have to be complicated?

"Penny for your thoughts," Clay said.

"What?" Mac frowned.

"You were a million miles away. Or at least 5000."

"I'm not reliving Paraguay if that's what you mean."

"Wasn't talking about that part of South America."

"Harm's in South America?"

Clay smirked. "Classified."

Mac rolled her eyes.

"I might have guessed your melancholy mood had something to do with him. And I thought you liked a good steak and lobster. You've barely eaten anything."

"I do like steak and lobster. I wasn't thinking about Harm."

"Then why mention his name?"

Mac looked away. "Look, things have been busy at work since Harm's departure. I'm tired. That's all."

Clay didn't look convinced, but he didn't bring up the subject again. After dinner, he took Mac home. She hopped out of his car before he could come around to open the door.

"Thanks for dinner," she said. "Sorry I wasn't better company. I'll see you later."

"You're not going to ask me to come up?"

"Maybe next time," she said before hurrying inside the building.

She pushed the button for the elevator.

_If there is a next time._


	11. Yes It Is

_A/N: Harm sees Mac for the first time in months. But will he talk to her? I don't know the location of Season Five's Surface Warfare Ball, but in this story, it was at the Willard._

**Yes It Is**

_Hi, Harm. It's Mac. Eleven phone calls. Eleven unanswered messages. Guess you don't want to talk to me, but I'm not giving up. Call me, please. I promise not to mention work—mine or yours—or anyone associated with our jobs. Just need to know you're doing okay. _

**North of Union Station  
October 3, 2003  
2100 Local**

"You want me to attend what?" Harm asked Kate as they sat on the sofa. "I don't think so."

"Come on, Harm. It will be fun."

After his last mission, the CIA had promised him a couple of weeks at home. Kate had called to catch up, and he invited her for dinner. Sometimes he wondered why they had continued to see one another. They were friends, but that's all they would ever be. Maybe it was because neither of them had expectations for the relationship to deepen.

"So, what do you say? A night of dancing and socializing sound good?"

"Who knows? I may not even be in town next weekend."

"I thought you said the agency was giving you a few days off."

"They are, but things could change."

"Well, let's assume you'll be here on the eleventh. It would be nice to have a handsome naval— A handsome man as my date."

"Yeah, if you want a naval officer to escort you, you're looking in the wrong direction."

"I'm sorry. Slip of the tongue. Harm, the fact that you're no longer in the Navy doesn't affect our friendship. Yes, it's a formal occasion, but it's a fundraiser to help inner-city kids. I thought you'd care."

"I do. But I don't want to run into certain people who might be in attendance."

"You mean someone from JAG?" Kate said.

Harm nodded. "Chegwidden for one. I think the two of us have said all there is to say to one another."

"I won't guarantee some from headquarters won't attend, although I haven't heard anyone say anything. I will tell you the admiral is in Italy for the next three weeks visiting his daughter."

"Oh yeah?" He had wanted to ask who was acting JAG but refrained. The less he knew about what went on there, the better. In times past, he had served in that capacity as had Mac. Still, he couldn't help but wonder.

Harm sighed. It wasn't like he had a social life these days. It might be good to get out. "Okay. As long as I'm still in town, I'll go."

**Willard Hotel Ballroom  
October 11, 2003  
2100 Local**

Harm managed to paste a smile on his face as he and Kate left the dance floor. He wished he'd never agreed to come tonight. Had he known the event was going to be at the Willard, he probably would have stayed home.

"At least _pretend_ you're having fun," Kate said.

"I'm having a blast, Kate."

"If that's what you call fun, I would hate to see when you weren't."

"Sorry. I'll try to do better."

Being here tonight brought back too many painful memories. The Willard was the location of the Surface Warfare Ball from a couple of years back. It was the night Brumby showed up and announced he'd reserved his commission to "be nearer the woman he loved."

Harm recalled the look in Mac's eyes. She'd smiled at Mic. Even looked a little flattered by the attention. But Harm turned around as he walked into the ballroom with Renee on his arm and saw the look on Mac's face. She seemed uncomfortable, and her smile didn't quite reach her eyes.

Their gazes met, and she seemed to be saying, "Help me. How do I get out of this?"

As far as Harm was concerned, that evening had been a total disaster. He had hoped he'd be able to talk to Mac, as a friend of course. But Brumby made sure to keep her away from Harm or any other man for that matter. Only the Admiral shared a dance with her, and he probably had to pull rank to do that.

But several times during the evening, Harm would catch Mac's eye and saw the pleading look.

Renee didn't help matters. She'd caught him watching Mac and went into her possessive mode, sticking to him like glue.

Mac looked beautiful that night. The red gown she wore complemented her olive skin and dark hair. Harm decided red was his favorite color for her to wear.

And that's what set off his foul mood. When he'd shown up at Kate's door, she was wearing a red gown. She also had dark hair, and the color looked good on her too, but… Well, she wasn't Mac. Harm sighed. Would he forever compare other women to Mac?

"Would you excuse me for a few minutes?" Kate asked. "Senator Holden is here. He's an old family friend, so I should speak to him. Do you mind?"

"Go ahead."

After Kate walked away, Harm went to the bar. "Double bourbon, straight up."

The bartender handed him a glass of the amber liquid. Harm took a swallow, then found a nearby table. So far, he hadn't run into anyone from JAG. As to be expected military personnel were in attendance, but none that he knew well enough that he would have to explain the reason he was no longer in the Navy.

He looked at his watch. Another hour or so and they could get out of here. The sooner, the better.

It wasn't long before a familiar feeling came over him. She was here somewhere nearby. He knew it. What was it he'd said to her after the returned from the Barents Sea?

_I always know where you are._

Harm looked around. There, on the other side of the ballroom, was Sarah Mackenzie. She wore a blue gown, reminiscent of the one she wore to the Sudanese Embassy several years earlier.

He watched her for a few minutes, wondering if she was alone. But then Clayton Webb walked up, put his arm around her waist, and led her to the dance floor.

Harm downed the rest of the bourbon, then asked the bartender for another. Mac and Webb sure looked cozy. Then again, she wasn't in uniform, and he wasn't military, so they didn't have to maintain protocol. But hell, couldn't they at least try to use some decorum?

It was a half-hour later when Kate found him. "There you are. For a minute, I thought I needed a search party."

"I've been right here. Waiting for you." Harm picked up his drink, then downed the remaining bourbon in one swallow.

Kate looked at the empty glass. "How many of those have you had?"

He shrugged. "A couple. Three. Four. I don't know. Who's counting? You wanted me to loosen up so we could have fun, so I did. Come on babe, let's dance."


	12. It's Only Love

_A/N: Mac thinks about seeing Harm with Kate and reflects upon her feelings. _

**It's Only Love**

_Hi, Harm. It's Mac. Yeah, me again. I remember telling you once that you were stubborn. Guess I am too. Otherwise, I wouldn't keep calling. Hope you're okay. You could pick up the phone sometime. My number hasn't changed. _

**Outside Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment  
October 12, 2003  
0100 Local**

"Thanks for inviting me tonight," Mac said as Clayton Webb parked his dark blue Porsche at the curb. She opened the door to get out, but he stopped her.

"Wait," he said. "You're not walking into that building alone."

"Clay, it's late, and I'm tired."

"I'm not asking to come in. I just want to see that you make it inside safely." He got out of the car, then dashed to the passenger side to open the door for her.

"Thanks," Mac said as Clay followed her inside the building and waited for the elevator doors to open.

"You don't need to escort me upstairs. I'll be okay."

"Mother taught me always to escort my dates to their door, and that's what I intend to do."

"If you insist," Mac said, as she stepped onto the elevator.

"Besides," Webb said. "You could change your mind and invite me in."

"I already told you I was tired, and I'm not in the mood to talk."

He smirked. "No? Wonder why? Something, or should I say, someone, on your mind?"

The elevator opened, and Mac walked to her apartment door. "What makes you say that?"

"Come on, Sarah. I'm not blind. I know Rabb was there, and I saw the way you kept looking at him."

She was starting to get angry. "I don't want to hear this. Harm has moved on with his life. There's nothing between us."

"No? Only love. Think about it." Clay turned, then walked away, leaving Mac standing at the apartment door.

Forty-three seconds passed before she went inside, closing the door behind her. Without turning on any lights, she walked to the window and looked to the street below just in time to see Clay driving away in his Porsche.

_Nice ride._

_Yeah, but it's no Tomcat._

It seemed like a lifetime ago when she'd stood outside JAG and said those words to Harm. Dalton had promised her the world, or at least a prestigious career as a civilian lawyer. Hadn't taken her long to realize her mistake.

She and Harm had been through so much together. His trial, going to Russia to search for his father, her trial, failed relationships. His crash in the Atlantic.

What happened? Why couldn't they make things work between them? Every time it seemed they had a chance, something or someone came along to screw things up. Dalton, Jordan, Harm returning to flying. Mic, Renee, her request for a TAD assignment on the Guadalcanal.

And just when they'd started to get their rhythm back came Harm's arrest for Singer's murder, then Paraguay.

Paraguay. If she could go back and do things over, she wouldn't have accepted the assignment. Harm would still be at JAG, and things would be… normal. Well, as normal as it ever were between the two of them. At least they'd be talking.

She was wrong to say there would "never be an us." She'd blindsided him. But he was also wrong with some of the things he said.

_You can have him. I just hope the hell for his sake he fares a little better than your various husbands and boyfriends._

That hurt. Cut to the core. She hated when Harm played the jealousy card. When asked why he'd resigned his commission to come to Paraguay, he couldn't even say the words. Why did he always have to be evasive?

_I think you know why._

But hadn't he told her, at least in a roundabout way?

_What would your new wife think?_

_Hmm? She's pretty broad-minded._

_Okay, you're not really married._

_No. But I do now know what it means to make a commitment like that. I went through the ceremony._

_There's got to be a story there._

_Hmm? Yeah._

_Why did you do it? _

_Did it to find you._

But if Webb hadn't returned, she might not have even learned Harm had resigned his commission until they got back to Washington.

_By the way, Rabb, what the hell are you doing in Paraguay? _

_He's honeymooning alone._

_I came here looking for Mac._

_How did you get the Admiral's permission? _

_I resigned my commission._

_Are you insane? Why didn't you tell me? _

_There was no time._

_Oh, you-you found time to tell Webb._

_It's not a big deal, Mac._

_Harm, this job is your life. It's all you've got._

_You did it for me?_

But before he could answer, Clay had to speak up.

_Sarah, this is the room where we spent our honeymoon._

_Yeah._

_As I recall, that bed was quite comfortable._

How could she not see it? Clay _wanted_ to make Harm jealous. Make him think something had happened between the two of them. And she'd more or less played along.

No wonder Harm wouldn't return her phone calls. And if by chance he'd seen her tonight with Webb…

_What have I done?_

She once confessed her love for Harm to Sturgis. Over the past few months, she'd tried to deny those feelings, but it was impossible. In spite of everything that had happened, she was still in love with him.

And always would be.


	13. Every Little Thing

_A/N: Harm considers the error of his ways. (And yes, minimindbender, I'm going to rehydrate him.)_

**Every Little Thing**

_Hi, Harm. It's Mac. Again. Now I know why you haven't called me back. You've moved on with your life with Kate. Yes, I saw you last night from across the room. I shouldn't have been surprised. Kate told me years ago that the two of you had a history. I couldn't help but wonder why you left so early, but that's none of my business. Guess I should be happy for you. Call me sometime, okay. I'd like to think we're still friends._

**North of Union Station  
October 12, 2003  
1030 Local **

Harm rolled over in bed, opened his eyes, then quickly closed them. Bright sunlight streamed through the windows. He pulled the pillow over his head, trying to ignore the pounding headache. It had been a long time since he'd had a hangover, but he deserved it. He'd downed too much alcohol in a short amount of time.

The fact that he'd drank a couple of beers before he picked up Kate hadn't helped the situation. He usually wasn't an irresponsible drinker. The beer he could handle. Beer, along with multiple glasses of bourbon, wasn't the wisest thing he'd ever done. He'd gone to the bar with the intent of having one drink. One.

Then, he saw her. Mac. His marine. No, she wasn't his. Never had been, and she'd made it plain she never would be. Even though she'd mentioned Webb several times in her messages, Harm had hoped the relationship might fail. But he gave up any hope of that happening after seeing them together last night.

Webb. What in the hell did Mac see in him? The man who, over the years, had involved them in enough scrapes and botched missions to last a lifetime. Because Webb's missions always got screwed up—Columbia, the Sudanese Embassy, Webb faking his death. But nothing so disastrous as Paraguay. And even though his actions almost got Mac killed, it seemed now the spook could do no wrong in Mac's eyes.

Sometimes Harm wished he'd never met Sarah Mackenzie. It was all because of Webb that Mac had come to JAG. He'd arranged it to cover his butt over the botched plan to transport the Declaration of Independence cross country. Any idiot could have come up with a better way.

Harm scoffed. He'd found Mac because of Webb, and he'd lost her because of him. But now it was time to forget Sarah Mackenzie. Trouble was, he remembered every little thing about her—from the first time they had met until the disaster in Paraguay.

_Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb. Major Sarah MacKenzie._

_Mac._

_Harm._

_You two know each other?_

_Yes, sir._

_No, sir._

_Oh, I'm sorry, major. Of course, I don't know you. I just had a moment of déjà vu._

They had been through thick and thin together.

_What is your plan other than to take a train to Beloyka? You're being driven by emotions, and those emotions are going to get us killed._

_You can quit. I can't. My father is out there somewhere, and I'm gonna find him._

_Or die trying._

_Or die trying. But you shouldn't. You've come with me farther than anyone I know. I'll never forget that, Mac._

The kiss on the admiral's porch. Never before had he had such desire for a woman.

_Mac, you have someone who will always love you._

_And you have somebody that loves you._

But then it ended, and they went their separate ways—him to Renee, her to Brumby.

_We're getting too good at saying goodbye._

He remembered the passion she had in the courtroom, her dedication to the uniform she wore, her bravery. He had to smile when thinking of the times when she'd said, "I'm a Marine, Harm."

So, the Marine was taking care of herself without him.

Last night had been a mistake. He should never have agreed to go to such an event. And how in the hell did he get home? Oh yeah. Kate drove him. Made sure he got inside. Waited with a wet washcloth while he emptied his stomach of the copious amount of bourbon he'd drank.

That's the last thing he remembered. He didn't recall getting undressed and into bed. Emerging from beneath the pillow, he looked around. Was she still here? He seemed to recall asking her to stay the night. Did she? Had they slept together? If so, she wasn't here now. He was alone.

Slowly, he sat up, then swung his feet off the bed. He needed to rehydrate, so he padded into the kitchen for some water.

_Think, Rabb. What happened after you got home last night?_

He vaguely recalled Kate saying she would take a cab home. She was angry. His memory started to surface.

_No, Harm. I'm not sleeping with you._

_Come on, Kate. It was good between us._

_It was one weekend, Harm. _

_So? It's not like we have to be committed to one another._

_No! I will not be a substitute for Mac. I've tried to help a friend tonight, but forget it. I'm out of here._

Harm shook his head. "You really screwed up this time." Not only had he lost the woman he loved, but he'd likely destroyed a long-term friendship.

When the phone rang, he checked the caller ID before answering.

"Rabb… Yeah, I can do that. No, to tell you the truth, I was getting a little bored just sitting around. Tomorrow morning? I'll be there."

He hung up the phone. Tomorrow he had a mission to fly. The sooner he got out of Washington, the better.


	14. I Need You

_A/N: Mac realizes she needs Harm in her life. BTW, in this story Harm lands the C-130 on the Seahawk, but he's not recognized. (At least not by the ZNN reporter.) I want him to stay in the CIA a little longer._

**I Need You**

_Hi Harm, it's Mac. Hey, I know you were the pilot who landed that C-130 on the carrier. I would recognize you anywhere. Great job, flyboy. Call me, please?_

**JAG Headquarters**  
**October 16, 2003**  
**1430 Local**

_We're reporting to you from aboard the USS Seahawk, in the Gulf of Sidra. This is the scene when an unidentified pilot, copilot, along with the crew of the Seahawk, completed an incredible feat. Safely landing a huge C-130 transport aboard this aircraft carrier. We don't have any details yet what the crew was doing or what prompted this landing, but as soon as we have that information, we'll pass them on to you._

Mac stood in the bullpen, along with several other staff members at JAG headquarters, and watched the ZNN news report. Landing a plane the size of a C-130 on an aircraft carrier was an incredible feat. Only a few would even try. But Mac knew one person who would.

Harm.

Somehow, she knew it was him even before she saw the footage. And even though she couldn't see his face on camera, there was no doubt in her mind the man carrying the small child in his arms was the tall, handsome aviator.

Mac missed him. More than she was willing to admit. Things just weren't the same around JAG since he left. There was a time when everyone had felt like family. Now, outside of Bud and Harriet, the less Mac had to do with anyone outside work, the better.

Sturgis had turned into a sanctimonious stuffed shirt. At times Bud acted as if he was still trying to get his rhythm back. Jennifer Coats was close to insubordination—she was angry with the Admiral for processing Harm's resignation.

Mac stayed clear of her CO's path whenever possible. It was hard to believe this was the same caring man who treated his officers almost like family. Now he was hard-nosed and by the book, always yelling at someone or something.

Everyone, even Sturgis, had been so engrossed in the news footage that they failed to see Chegwidden enter the bullpen from his office.

"What's going on, people? Do I need to remind everyone we're short-handed around here?"

_And who's fault is that?_ It was all Mac could do not to say the words aloud.

Bud spoke up. "Sorry, Sir. We were just watching footage of a pilot landing a C-130 on the Seahawk. An amazing feat for anyone to even try such a thing, let alone land safely.

"And that concerns you how, Mr. Roberts?"

"It doesn't, Sir. Sorry, Sir. It won't happen again." Bud fumbled with his words.

"See to it that it doesn't." The Admiral raised his voice, "Turner, Mackenzie, Roberts. Conference room, fifteen minutes."

"Aye, aye, Sir," they said in unison.

Ten minutes later, Mac walked toward the conference room. Even with her impeccable sense of timing, she didn't want to be late and face her commanding officer's wrath. She opened the door to find Sturgis and Bud already there. Mac wasn't the only one who didn't want to anger the Admiral.

"Any idea what this is about?" she asked.

Bud and Sturgis shook their heads.

Not surprising, the Admiral entered the conference room three minutes early with Kate Pike. Mac and the others stood until Chegwidden took his seat at the head of the table. Kate sat beside Mac.

"As you were." The Admiral looked at his officers. "I'd like to thank Commander Pike for the outstanding job she's done while TAD to JAG. However, today is her last day with us. She will be resuming her duties at Pearl on Monday.

The announcement came as a surprise to everyone, most of all, Mac. Two weeks ago, the Admiral told Mac he'd offered Kate a permanent position at headquarters, and he was reasonably sure she would accept it. Something happened to make her change her mind. She had been acting a bit different since that night at The Willard. Had something happened between her and Harm? Mac wondered but didn't dare ask.

"Now," Admiral Chegwidden continued, "to help with the workload, I'm recalling Commander Carolyn Imes to headquarters. She'll arrive next week. Any questions?"

"No, Sir."

"Good. That's all. Dismissed." He stood, then left the room.

Bud and Sturgis extended their best wishes to Kate before returning to their respective offices. Mac soon found herself sitting in the conference room alone. Seeing Harm on the television had stirred up old feelings.

_I was a fool to tell him never. What was wrong with me? If I hadn't gone on the damned mission, he would still be here and not flying dangerous missions around the world._

Mac sighed, then rose and went back to her office. She didn't dare look toward the space Sturgis now occupied. It should be Harm in there, not him. Mac closed the door before sitting down on her desk. She felt the beginning of a headache, so she opened a drawer for some acetaminophen. When she reached for the bottle, her hand brushed against a picture frame. It was one of her and Harm taken in Afghanistan.

They had been so close then. Best friends. Partners. Butch and Sundance. Either of them would have gone to the ends of the earth for the other. A tear rolled down Mac's face, and she quickly brushed it away. Now Harm wouldn't even speak to her.

"I'm so sorry," Mac whispered. She touched a finger to her lips, then pressed it on the photograph of Harm. Somehow, she had to make things right with him

_I miss you, Harm. I need you in my life. Please, please answer my calls._


	15. For No One

_A/N: Harm turns forty. How will he spend his birthday? _

**For No One**

_Hi, Harm. It's Mac. I'm calling to wish you a happy birthday. The big four-o this year, huh? I don't even know if you're in town, but I hope you do something special to celebrate. How is everything with you? In case you're wondering, I'm doing great. Give me a call sometime, okay?_

**North of Union Station  
October 25, 2003  
0700 Local**

Harm entered his apartment, intent on heading straight for the shower. He'd gotten up early for his morning run. The late October weather was clear and crisp with low humidity, and the autumn colors were near their peak. It was a perfect day for flying. It had been a while since he'd been up in Sarah.

He looked to see the message light flashing, so he stopped long enough to check, in case it was his mom calling. When he pressed the button, he heard a familiar voice.

_Mac again. Figures. You'd think by now she would have gotten the message that I don't want to talk to her._

Harm started to hit the delete button when he heard her mention his birthday. Forty years old. Where had the time gone? It seemed like yesterday when he graduated from the academy, eager to go to flight school and get in the action.

More than ten years had passed since his ramp strike, and he'd been a JAG lawyer for almost eight. Well, he wasn't a JAG lawyer now. He'd thrown all that away to save his best friend.

Best friend. Sure. She kept indicating their friendship was intact, but he wasn't sure he could believe her. Friends don't throw every mistake you've ever made in your face or say your career is all you have when you'd just sacrificed it for them.

Most of her messages contained some little barb about how well JAG was operating without him, or that she was doing "just fine."

Friends didn't flaunt their relationships when they knew your love for them went deeper. She knew, didn't she?

_Mac, you'll always have someone who loves you._

_And you have someone who loves you._

Okay, he'd take the blame for their long-overdue conversation about "this thing with us." But Paraguay, when they were in the middle of a mission, wasn't the time or the place. He'd wanted to table it until they got back to the states, but Mac blindsided him outside of the hotel.

_There's never going to be an us._

She'd made it plain she didn't need him anymore. But then she proceeded to call him numerous times. What was her problem?

"Can't have it both ways, Mac." Harm deleted the message, then went to shower. Blacksburg was a four-hour drive, and he wanted to be able to get at least a couple of hours flying time before dark.

**Vietnam Veterans Memorial  
October 25, 2003  
2030 Local**

Harm hadn't envisioned spending his birthday alone, but all-in-all, it had been a good day. He'd flown a couple of hours over the Virginia countryside. It was nice to be able to fly without worrying about deadlines or dangerous missions.

The drive to Blacksburg had been pleasant, but he made a mental note that if he ever had more time to fly, he needed to consider a hanger closer to DC.

He entered the outskirts of DC, intent on grabbing some Chinese take-out, then going home. But when he crossed the Potomac, an idea came to him. He turned onto Constitution Avenue, then found a parking spot.

Harm had never visited the wall on his birthday, saving those times with his dad for special occasions like Memorial Day and Christmas Eve. But somehow, it seemed fitting to go. There would only be a few visitors this time of the evening, and he would have more privacy.

He locked the 'Vette, then started walking toward the familiar spot. As he guessed, only a few people remained. A woman stood near the panel that contained his father's name. She ran her hand over the granite wall.

_Probably someone like me who lost a father over there._

But as he drew closer, he could see she was dressed in a Marine uniform. It was Mac. He studied her for a few minutes. She removed her hand from the wall, then rubbed her eyes.

_What was she doing here? Was she crying?_

He started to walk closer, but then he remembered her words in Paraguay.

_Things are never going to work out between us._

He stopped, turned, then hurried back to his car before she saw him. She wanted never? Well, he could certainly accommodate her.


	16. We Can Work it Out

_A/N: Mac doesn't understand the reason for Harm's animosity toward her. Do you think she's in denial? I've changed a few things from the way we saw it on the show. And to the guest reviewer, I don't do Mattie stories, as I stated at the beginning of the opening chapter._

**We Can Work it Out**

_Hi, Harm. It's Mac. Calling again. Why did you walk away this evening? I saw you tonight, and I know you saw me. What have I done to make you so angry? Clay told me you were in town, so I went to The Wall, hoping you'd be there. I need to know what's going on, Harm. Why are you avoiding me? Please call me back. We can work things out between us. I'm still your friend._

**Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment  
October 25, 2003  
2200 Local**

Mac sat in her darkened apartment, trying to figure out what had gone wrong. It had been months since Harm had last spoken to her. Four months, twenty-eight days, twelve hours, forty-one minutes, and seventeen seconds to be exact. After meeting with the admiral upon their return from Paraguay, Harm had walked into his office, gathered his few personal possessions, and left JAG. Not only JAG, but he'd walked out of her life.

Why was he treating her this way? She'd tried to be a good friend. Tried to convince their CO it was wrong to process Harm's resignation. Afterward, she'd called repeatedly to check on him. Tonight made the sixteenth call. The first fifteen had gone unanswered, so she didn't expect anything different from this one. She knew he had talked with Sturgis on several occasions and to Bud at least one time. So why wouldn't he speak to her? She hadn't done anything wrong.

"Well, Harmon Rabb, I know you're hard-headed, but I can be just as stubborn. I won't give up."

**JAG Headquarters  
October 27, 2003  
1030 Local**

"Commander Imes was placed under arrest at 1100 hours this morning on my orders."

Mac and the others sitting at the conference room table were stunned by Admiral Chegwidden's words. "On what grounds, Sir?"

"Well, she was in line for a new security clearance. Background check found that she was not a member of the Michigan Bar as she claimed. In fact, she was not and is not a member of any bar."

"Did she graduate from law school, sir? She did, after, uh taking night courses for five years."

"How was she accepted into the JAG Corps, sir?"

"Well, we don't know for sure. All we do know is that around the time that she presented proof that she belonged to the state bar, she had her name legally changed to that of a member of the Michigan Bar who'd just passed away. She requested a duplicate license and then presented it as her own."

"Admiral, I know Commander Imes pretty well from a previous tour of JAG. She's a good lawyer," Mac said.

"That's why I brought her to take over Commander Rabb's caseload. Now this. Instead of lightening our load, she's added to it."

"Sir?"

"Coates, every case in which Commander Imes served as defense counsel will be reversed."

"Well, several of these are murder cases, Admiral. Are you suggesting we let the guilty parties go free?"

"I'm telling you we're going to start over. We're going to reevaluate each and every case and decide if they need to be retried."

Mac glanced at the files. "Sir, a quick review of these cases indicates that Commander Rabb served as a prosecutor in twenty-seven of them."

"Your point?"

"I think it may be useful to bring him in to help evaluate those cases. Considering we're short staffed on senior attorneys, it may be a way to expedite matters."

"Expedite all you want, Colonel. I expect a full accounting by the end of the week." The Admiral rose from the table, then left the conference room, followed by Bud and Coates, leaving only Mac and Sturgis.

"Well, maybe now Harm will return my calls."

"What are you talking about?"

"I've called him numerous times over the past few months. Left messages. He won't return them, and I don't understand why. I didn't do anything to him. It's not my fault that he's no longer at JAG."

"Oh, no? And how do you figure that?"

"Sturgis, I didn't tell him to resign his commission and come to Paraguay to rescue me. Clay and I would have made it out just fine."

"That's not what I heard."

"Oh, yeah? Who told you that? Wait, don't answer. Harm did."

"Mac, you were about to be tortured. Webb was in no position to help you. What makes you think you'd get out of there."

"The agency would have sent someone in."

Sturgis scoffed. "Mac, the CIA doesn't operate like the military. They don't adhere to the policy of leaving no man behind. You and Webb be buried in an unmarked grave somewhere in Paraguay, and we'd never know what happened to you."

"No, I don't believe that. Besides, I'm a Marine—"

"And you can take care of yourself. Yeah, I've heard you say that to Harm countless times. But in this case, that's bullshit, and you know it."

"Sturgis—"

"No, Mac. For months you've been acting like everything is normal. You're not yourself. You don't want to take any responsibility for Paraguay or for what happened to Harm, but you are partly to blame."

"I'm to blame? It's not my fault. He's the one who chose to resign."

"To save his best friend's life. The Admiral gave him no choice. Harm asked for leave, and it wasn't granted. The way Harm saw it, he had no other alternative. And what thanks did he get? A slap in the face from you and expedited processing of his resignation paperwork."

"You can't blame me because the admiral decided to act fast."

"No, you aren't to blame for that, but you keep twisting things around to take any responsibility off your shoulders. You once told me you were in love with Harm. What happened?

"Nothing. I've moved on."

"With Clayton Webb?"

"That's none of your business. Besides, Harm has moved on. He won't even speak to me."

"Can you blame him? Mac, you've changed. You're sanctimonious, and a bit of a prig."

"Where did that come from?"

"It's been building for a while. Think about what I've said, Mac. Think long and hard, and I believe you'll come to realize why Harm isn't talking to you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

Sturgis left the room, leaving Mac in shock. How dare he talk to her like that? Paraguay was just another assignment. She didn't have any long-term repercussions from what happened. Sturgis was right about one thing. She was a Marine, and this Marine could take care of herself. If Harm didn't want to talk to her, fine. She didn't need him in her life.

She needed to make one more phone call about the Imes cases, then she was through.


	17. Not a Second Time

_A/N: The conclusion of Seventeen. _

**Not a Second Time**

_Hi, Harm. It's Mac. I doubt you'll call me back. After all, you haven't returned sixteen earlier messages, but I really need to talk to you. It's about Commander Imes. Can you please put aside your feelings and call me? It's important. _

**North of Union Station  
October 30, 2003  
1830 Local**

Harm listened to the message from two days earlier, then pressed the delete button. Mac was persistent. He'd give her that much. Did she really think he'd call her to discuss Carolyn Imes? What was the deal? Did she want to rub salt in the wound again by giving him details about the officer who had filled his position? Sturgis had already told him that Carolyn was coming back to headquarters, he didn't need Mac to give him the news.

At least she hadn't mentioned Clay in her latest message. He supposed he should be grateful for that.

He walked to the refrigerator for a bottle of beer when a knock came to his door.

_Better not be Mac._

When he looked through the peephole to see Sturgis, he opened the door. "Hey, Buddy. What brings you here?"

"Glad I caught you."

"I've been gone for a couple of days. Just got home."

"Did you get Mac's message?"

"Mac has left me a lot of messages. All of which I've ignored."

"Well, this one is important. We need your help, Harm. Turns out, Carolyn Imes isn't a lawyer. She never passed the bar exam."

"You're kidding me, right?"

"Wish I was. The Admiral is having us review all her cases. Twenty-seven of those you served as prosecutor. We can use your help."

Harm shook his head. "Unbelievable. But why is my help suddenly needed? It's been months since anyone called me on JAG business. Chegwidden made it clear I'm not needed."

"Don't do it for him. Do it for a friend."

"Mac doesn't need me."

"I'm not talking about Mac. Would you do it to help an old academy mate?"

Harm sighed. "Okay, I'll do what I can. I should be in town for a few days, but I could get called away on a mission with little or no notice."

"Understood."

"I would appreciate it if you brought the files to me. I had no desire to visit JAG."

"In the car. I took the liberty of bringing them."

"Pretty sure of yourself, weren't you?"

"Yeah." Sturgis smiled.

**JAG Headquarters  
November 6, 2003**  
**0900 Local**

Harm wasn't surprised that Mac had called him as a character witness in the Imes' Court-Martial.

"What is your appraisal of Commander Imes' legal skills?" Mac asked.

"Outstanding," Harm replied without hesitation.

"And her character?"

"Impeccable."

"Would you consider her a friend?"

"I consider her a respected colleague."

"Thank you, Mr. Rabb. No further questions."

"Commander Turner?" Admiral Morris asked.

Sturgis stood, then walked to the witness stand. "Mr. Rabb, did you take an oath when you were certified to try courts-martial under Article 27 B?"

"I did."

"What was that oath?"

"To faithfully perform the duties of counsel in any court-martial to which I was detailed as counsel. So help me, God."

"So Commander Imes lied to her God, as well."

"Well, I'm not really qualified to answer that question, Counselor. Neither are you qualified to ask it."

"Did you take that oath seriously?"

"I did."

"And did Commander Imes take a similar oath?"

"I presume so."

"Do you believe that the violation of such an oath is Conduct Unbecoming?"

"Well, that's for Judge Morris to determine, isn't it?"

"Answer the question, please."

This time he hesitated. He didn't want to say it, but he had to tell the truth. "Yes."

Harm hurriedly left the courtroom. He wanted to get away from JAG as soon as possible. He'd already had one awkward encounter with the admiral, and he didn't want another one.

He was almost to the elevator when his cell phone rang. "Rabb… Yes… He is?…What?… No, I don't have a problem doing that… I understand, but I've never shied away from danger… No, I won't allow my personal feelings to interfere… I agree, he would screw this up like everything else… 1100? I'll be there." He ended the call, then pressed the down button when he heard a familiar voice.

"Mr. Rabb. Got a few minutes?"

_Chegwidden. _

Harm glanced at his watch. "I have an appointment in an hour."

"This won't take long. I have a matter I need to discuss with you."

"Can't think of a single thing we have to say to one another, A. J."

"Humor me. I think you'll be interested."

"And if I refuse?"

"Then, I'll just keep asking."

Harm rubbed his forehead. "Okay, might as well get this over with. That way, I won't have someone else from JAG calling me all the time."

If Chegwidden was surprised at Harm's words, he didn't show it. "Let's step into my office."

Harm followed the admiral and sat in the familiar chair.

"All right. Here it is. As you know, the, uh, Imes debacle has forced us to review over 200 cases, many of which you were involved. And you did some fine lawyering. I might consider asking SECNAV to reinstate your commission and take you back at JAG under the right circumstances."

"Well, I must say I never expected to hear those words."

"Harm, it's time to stop being, uh, Peter Pan. The little boy who likes to fly and never grew up."

"Flying is what I do for a living these days."

"With the CIA. And you're happy with that?"

"It's my job."

"Come back to JAG. We'll start fresh. Let me know in a day or two what you decide."

"I won't need that long."

"Then, you'll come back?"

"Respectfully, Sir. No."

"No? Why the hell not?"

"I can't say, but coming back to JAG at this time is impossible. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment." Harm rose, then left the admiral's office.

Chegwidden's offer to reinstate his commission came as a complete surprise. And if he'd spoken with the Admiral thirty minutes earlier, he would have accepted the offer.

He didn't make it to the elevator before Mac stopped him.

"Harm, wait. We need to talk."

"You too, huh? I already told the admiral no."

"What are you talking about?"

"He offered me my old job. I turned him down."

"He did? You did? Why?"

"Personal reasons."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"He processed my resignation once. Didn't want to go through that a second time."

"Harm, what is going on with you? I've left you seventeen messages in the last five months. You haven't returned any of my calls."

"That's right."

"So, uh, what, you decided to move on, leave the rest of us behind?"

"Just trying to get on with my life, you know?"

"I know you're upset."

"You don't know anything about what I'm feeling."

"Well, I would know what you were feeling if you would talk to me."

"Hey, I thought we'd done our talking. You made that pretty clear."

"But, I—"

"Sorry, Mac, but I have to go." He walked away, deciding to take the stairs rather than wait for the elevator. It hurt to leave her standing there, but it was something he had to do.

Outside, he hurried to his car. He had just unlocked the 'Vette when he heard someone call his name.

"Harm?"

He looked to see Mac standing on the steps—the same place they stood almost five years earlier as they watched the ambulance pick up Harriet and a newborn A. J. Roberts. This was not the kick-ass jarhead marine he once knew. She was not the same woman who had told him "never" in Paraguay. Her shoulders slumped, and she chewed her lower lip. Harm wasn't close enough to be sure, but she appeared to have tears in her eyes. It was all he could do not to run to her and take her in his arms.

But he couldn't. Not here. Not now. He had a mission, and he was damn sure to do it right. He nodded at her briefly, then got into his car. As he drove away, he took one last glance at Mac, fighting his emotions.

He'd read her lips.

_I'm sorry, Harm._

The End

_A/N: Okay, don't shoot me. I intended to end this story on a more hopeful note, but the muse had other ideas. As for you non-shippers, don't gloat. Eventually, there will be a sequel. I AM a shipper at heart and can't see Harm and Mac with other partners. But they have a lot of things to overcome before they enter into a relationship._

_The titles of each chapter are songs by my all-time favorite group, The Beatles. They aren't necessarily the ones I like best (Chapter One is my all-time favorite written by my fav Beatle, George). I chose each song either for the name or because of something contained within the lyrics. Bonus points for anyone who figures out the significance of "Yes It Is." I'm not sure what you'll win since I don't own Harm and Mac, I'm just borrowing them for a while._

_Once again, a big thanks to Radiorox and Minimindbender for their encouragement and for allowing me to bounce ideas off them. _


End file.
